You Might Be An RC Modeler If....

...You have ever glued both hands together with CA and had to use an x-acto knife in your teeth to cut them apart.
...You have taken your plane off and panic on the third lap, realising that you haven't extended the transmitter antenna.
...You have built two right wings for a single wing plane.
...You get to the field and realize your transmitter is still on charge at home.
...You have switched your retracts up while you taxi your plane out to take off.
...You lean over your just-finished new plane to brush off a bug and drop a screwdriver out of your shirt pocket that rips through the wing monocote.
...You are making an inverted low pass and then pull "UP" on the elevator.
...You have taken your plane off with the glow still clipped to the engine's glow plug.
...You ever had to jump over your plane as you were landing it.
...You have more than one scar on your "cranking" hand.
...You have fuel stains on your new trainers.
...You are shopping for land to build your dream home on, and would rather have flat, open pasture land than rolling wooded hills.
...You spend more time browsing Ripmax catalogs than the TV guide.
...You will go flying when it's 104? but won't cut the grass for your wife `cause "it's too hot out there".
...You have 47 miscellaneous Ni-Cad batteries and can't find a pair of D cells for your torch.
...Your O.S. engine purrs like a kitten but the family car will barely run.
...You see your wife ironing while wearing a thin nighty and it reminds you of the monocote job you need to finish.
...100 deg. is forecast for the weekend and you hope there isn't a breeze blowing.
...You smash your thumb with a hammer while doing a project for your wife and the only thing you worry about is `will it be healed by the weekend'.
...You have grass stains on the knees of your favorite trousers.
...Your wife wants to buy a new people carrier and the only thing you are concerned with is `will the back seats remove easily'.
...You have a sun tan in the roof of your mouth.
...You always keep a supply of paper towels and Windowlene but never clean your car windows.
...Your dad is looking for his padlock and find you are using it for a balance weight.
...You complain about the cost of school supplies for your kids but can walk out of the hobby shop with £127.83 worth of miscellaneous parts and supplies.
...You have balsa dust on top of your living room furniture.
...You keep feeling for the trim tabs on your TV remote control.
...You have at least three planes in various stages of completion.
...The neighbourhood kids come to you to help them with their summer school projects.
...You can't understand how some men can get so involved with a silly thing like golf.
...You fit a drop tank on your strimmer.
...You realise the best thing about it is that you can finally play with airplanes without having to make those funny sounds with your mouth.
...You have a credit account at the local hobby shop but can't understand why your wife buys so many clothes.
...You can land your plane even after you discover you are standing next to a wasp's nest.
...You spend more money for a pair of sun glasses than for a lawn mower.
...You use your field box to crank your lawn mower.
...Your kids borrow rubber bands from you.
...You think R/C flying should be an Olympic event.
...You read the Red Cross book of first-aid but can't find first aid treatment for prop cuts or monocote iron burns.
...Your wife frowns at you at the Christmas dinner table when you carve the turkey with an X-acto knife.
...You buy a 4-wheel drive pickup so you can go get your plane when you "land" it.
...Your wife spray paints her wrought-iron patio furniture with your fuel-proof paint.
...You use fuel tubing to drink from your Coke can.
...You have to put out an APB for your plane that flew out of the back of your pickup on the motorway.
...You buy the "wife and kids" a new Pentium III computer for Christmas so you can practice with the "Tru-Flight" flight simulator.
...You have watched TOP GUN and IRON EAGLES more than ten times.
...Your neighbour calls the cops on you for spraying your lawn with an Aries Thrush crop duster model.
...You put DU-BRO wheels on your TV tray.
...You wear goggles and a silk scarf around your neck driving to the field.
...Your wife's coffee table has glue and fuel stains on it.
...The weather is too bad to rake the leaves but you can going flying.
...You got more "toys" for Christmas than your kids did.
...You have a field box full of every special tool made but don't have a jack when you have a flat tyre on your car.
...You look for the servo linkage and antenna wire on every airplane in a movie.
...You have at least ten T-shirts with airplanes on them.
...You carry a chain saw with you to the flying field so you can retrieve your plane or clear for a landing approach.
...You have ever made a picture frame from parts left over from an airplane kit.
...You change glow plugs every other week but have over 100,000 miles on your car's spark plugs.
...You buy petrol for your lawn mower in a Model Technics container.
...You play your BMFA and radio channel numbers in the lottery.
...You use your heat gun to try getting wrinkles out of your new bathroom wall-paper job.
...You watch "Wings" on The Discovery Channel at least three times a week.
...You have ever glued your ring to your finger.
...You modify your garage door opener with trim tabs.
...You plan your vacations using Fly-In schedules.
...You use more wax paper building planes than your wife does baking.
...You have more pictures of your airplanes than of your wife.
...You buy a £700 mini-lathe to make £4 airplane parts.
...You have enough broken props to use for firewood.
...You have ever used an old elevator pushrod to scratch your back.
...You shop Toys-R-Us for pilots.
...Your doctor tells you that you have prop whip elbow.
...You got your wife a plane kit for Mother's Day.
...You can cover a prize-winning plane with monocote but can't iron your shirts.
...Your friends have ever strung yellow "CRIME SCENE" tape around your plane.
...You have ever taken your plane off with the ailerons reversed and still landed it safely.
...You can program a multi-plane 9-channel computer radio but can't figure out your VCR.
...You claimed your BMFA fees on your income tax return.
...Your latest plane cost more than your wife's washing machine.
...You have a dog-eared Ripmax catalog in your bathroom.
...You know what the term "Dumb-Thumb" really means.
...You smell Windolene and it reminds you that you need to clean your planes.
...Your wedding anniversary falls on a Fly-In weekend and you actually think about your choices.
...With all your mail from BMFA your postman thinks you're a doctor.
...You can blow gnats from your eyes out of the corner of your mouth and keep on flying.
...You think about checking the frequency board before operating your TV remote at home.
...You complain about the cost of getting your kids started back in school because it cuts into your money available for the Swap Meet.
...You have complained about your wife forgetting something at Tesco's and you having to go back for it, yet you will drive 60 miles for a £1.49 part to finish a plane for Sunday.
...It's September and you have already given your wife your Christmas wish list (with nothing but R/C stuff on it).
...You actually enjoy reading these "You Might Be" jokes.
...You spend £6.99 on your wife's jewelry earrings at a Swap Meet and £362 for airplane stuff and figure everything is even.
...You tape Sunday afternoon football games and formulae1 races and watch them Sunday night.
...Your biggest adult decision is golf or flying on a pretty weekend afternoon.
...You crank your leaf blower and hold vertical and adjust the trim.
...You buy your daughter (or wife) a doll house kit from Hannant's just so you will have something to glue together on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
...You have enough scrap balsa to start fires in your fireplace.
...You name your dog "Aileron".
...You use coat hangers and duct tape for anything other than hanging clothes and taping duct.
...Your transmitter has more computing power than a Pentium III PC.
...You introduce your wife as your co-pilot.
...You consider a quality evening with the family consist of gluing and sanding.
...You show up at the field with your channel 84 transmitter and your plane has channel 48 receiver in it.
...It's too cold to wash your wife's car but you'll going flying.
...You can't wait for grass cutting season to get here.
...You crash your plane and go to the golf course to vent your frustration.
...You use an infrared tach to set the speeds of your ceiling fans.
...You wash your car or truck on Saturday and will drive through mud to get to the flying field on Sunday.
...You'll complain about buses and trucks with all that stinking diesel smoke but add it to your plane.
...You spend more time at the field working on your plane than flying it.
...You use a chain saw to improve your landing approach.
...Your wife uses your spare props to stir her paint can.
...You have fuel stains in the trunk of your car.
...You consider a Sunday picnic as a couple of hot dogs at the flying field.
...You consider the R/C club meeting as the month's social event.
...You spend £250 at a swap meet and question your wife's plans for a summer vacation as too expensive.
...You save lolly sticks to stir your epoxy glue with.
...You can balance your plane but can't balance your check book.
...You will spend six hours Saturday working on your plane but won't fix the leaking cistern valve `cause you don't have time.